Let’s be honest, adulting is one of the toughest jobs on the planet, and charading as a parent-adult is even more difficult. The worry is endless! From the moment our kids are born the innate crazy thoughts that all women are born with genetically go into hyperdrive! All of the possible (impossibly) things that could (never) happen take over all the logical aspects of our brain. Throw in a little Granny adulting and I now understand my mother a bit better. Truth be told, it has been said that being a grandparent is more fun than being a parent and had I known this, I would have had my grandchildren first. It is true, it is more fun. I fill them with sugar, never say no and then send them on their way! Being a granny is amazing but also, exhausting because all that worry I had for my own children, now increases ten-fold for my baby-grands.
For example, this past Saturday morning my beautiful brown-eyed “Susie”, aka as Myah was cuddling with me. She had a cold and was wanting some serious grandma time (another added bonus that comes with the title of granny).
“Myah, do you want to say a prayer to God to help you feel better”? “Yep, I do grandma”, as she closed her eyes tightly shut and I can’t help but smile, this one is VERY serious when it comes to prayer. Often she likes to say the prayer but this time she gave it to me. I couldn’t help but peek at her as she bowed her head, clasped her hands together and with a very intent furrow to her brow, we started our prayer. “Dear Father…..”. After every prayer, we throw our hands in the air and yell, “yay”! I love this time with Myah. It is our time, and it is precious time.
My mother first taught me about prayer, I remember it so clearly. My brother Lon had open-heart surgery, 40+ years ago, this was an even bigger deal than it is today and I was so scared for him. I know that mom was also. We prayed together before his surgery, my mother, Lon, and me for him to be okay. Mom became my first experience with God, and that is probably unexpected when you consider our lives growing up. Mom struggled to find herself, yet she always seemed to turn to prayer in times of uncertainty. I guess I saw this faith that she had and somehow the seed was planted and God became a figure that I turned to in my own life. It is these same feelings that I hope I can instill in my own children, and in that of my grandchildren.
But I digress, back to Saturday afternoon. I was napping before work (I work nights as a nurse in a critical access hospital) and I soak up every second of rest before my shifts that I can. My phone buzzed a few times but I chose to ignore it, needing the rest. About 30 minutes before my alarm went off my daughter Jordan laid my beautiful brown-eyed Myah next to me, red-faced, pale, and seemingly on fire. Jordan was the buzz that I ignored from my phone. Instantly, the first pangs of guilt engulfed me, she needed me and I chose sleep. Myah had been sick for some time, and she was treated for Croup the previous Saturday (always a Saturday!). As I listened to her, her cough was deep, harsh, and thick and for just a minute I worried it could be pneumonia. I knew that this was not Croup and most likely just a virus but I still encouraged Jordan to take her back to the doctor for a chest X-ray and a strep test.
When it comes to my kids and grandkids, I lose ALL common sense! I get impractical and irrational. Remember those innate and crazy thoughts that all women are born with genetically, well they tend to go into super-hyper-drive and terrible thoughts always come to my mind. Tell me that I am not alone??
As a nurse, I knew that Myah was okay, as she was drinking, eating, had no respiratory retractions, and was overall okay. As a grandma, my brain kicked into FULL CRAZY IMAGINATION MODE and I imagined her having untreated strep or raging pneumonia. Of course, after a doctor visit, it was determined that Myah had a simple cold and my panic mode lessened maybe a half-a-notch. Of course, that did not stop me from checking in multiple times throughout the night though Jordan reassured me that Myah was fine.
Fast forward to Sunday morning, okay who am I kidding, it was NOT a fast night it never is when battling sleep deprivation versus nursing all night long. Anyway, while driving home from work the next morning the sun was peeking through the clouds. The rays of light were bright and beautiful as they sifted through the trees to the ground. Mother Nature can be so breathtaking if we let her in. I thought to myself it was prettier than some of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve seen. Immediately, I was transported back to my childhood. I was five and sitting shotgun with my dad as we ambled around the countryside to home. I couldn’t help but notice the bright sun as it battled the impending night, and how the rays of light shown through the trees as we drove. I thought it so pretty, and I thought of God and that He must be calling up the souls of the people that had passed. I imagined them making their way up through the rays to heaven. I said as much to dad as I shared my thoughts and I remember his handsome half smile as he patiently listened to the ravings of his imaginative daughter.
I was transported back to reality and to my next crazy thought, “God are you trying to tell me something? Is Myah dead? Did she die in the night”? Irrational? Maybe, probably but you try this granny thing on for size and let me know how the incessant worrying goes for you!
Then I thought of this picture. This was not staged, this was simply how this picture turned out. I love it. The meaning that one can attribute to this photo is limitless and I have always thought of it as God’s loving embrace. Who knows, maybe she will be called to do something or many amazing things in her lifetime?
Then, I had an overwhelming sense of well-being for Myah and my crazy brain went from foll-on PANIC MODE to a calm and peaceful feeling. I then asked God, was this beautiful sunrise your way of telling me that Myah was indeed just fine? That our prayer had been answered?
When I got home, Myah met me at the door, happy, safe, and on the mend. I almost giggled at my insane craziness! I then thanked God for the drive home, and the sweet memory of my father. I thanked him for his wisdom and different perspectives, and of course, I thanked him for answering our prayer. I thanked him for being with us at all times and for those moments when I doubt he is carrying us I begged for forgiveness. In fact, He is with us in all of our good and and bad times.
It’s now Tuesday, again and Myah is better and is on her way out the door to swimming lessons…. 😬 Waaait, I wonder if they have lifeguards? 😨 Do they make them wear life vests? What if they look away for a minute? What if….
A granny’s worry is never done.